By Anne Strand

Focus is necessary for creating lasting change.  For change to last, we must limit ourselves from trying to make more than one important behavioral change at a time. We do not need to do it perfectly. We need only to be persistent. Moving in the desired direction at a pace that we can tolerate will allow us to grow, change and to hold on to those changes permanently.

If we attempt to make more than one big change at a time, we will set up a Tommy Tippy reaction inside ourselves.   Tommy Tippy, a toy with a weighted rounded bottom, when pushed will rebound in the opposite direction with the same force and velocity as it was first pushed.

The harder it is pushed the longer and more out of control the rebounding reaction. When we are too harsh with ourselves or try to change too many things at once, we push the Tommy Tippy of ourselves too far!

As a result, a negative dynamic is set up in our thoughts and feelings. One will fight to dominate the other, and we get off kilter. When our thoughts override our feelings, we will lack the energy to take action. When our feelings overload our thoughts, we become impulsive, overwhelmed or irresponsible. Out of balance like this, we make bad decisions and take self-destructive actions. Too much too fast will unbalance us and cause us to lose direction or fall. When in balance, we can stay on track with a minimum of effort.

In the race of the inner tortoise and the hare, the tortoise always wins.

Because our internal self wants to keep us safe and balanced and feels threatened when we try to change too much all at once, the hare scares us and sets up a resistance within. The hare is an all or nothing creature. It is inconsistent and loses in the long run because it cannot keep to a healthy, realistic pace. All or nothing does not win the race; steady and focused does.

But, sometimes we are like neither the tortoise nor the hare and we seem not to be able to move at all. We keep ourselves in a holding pattern, claiming we do not know what we need to do next. But is this really the situation? Most likely we know exactly what we should do next but are just too scared to act on it. We’d rather stay stuck and unfocused, breath held, eyes closed, so we don’t have to take the next step. The next step is not jumping off a cliff! It is a step by step movement in the direction we want to go. It is choosing to give up going off in all directions and reserving those choices for another time. It is choosing to move and not to collapse or rebound into negativity.

An effective method for beginning to make lasting change is to ask ourselves this question. What one behavior if I did it on a regular basis next week would make my whole life change for the better?  Note that this is a behavior, such as, to eat healthy food sitting down at the family dinner table; it is not a goal like to lose 5 pounds. To decide what that one behavior will be you may want to explore the following questions:

• What five behaviors could I do to make my whole life change for the better?
• Which one of these will I choose to be my focus?
•  Is my selection realistic?  Is it actually doable or am I acting like a hare?
• Is it consistent with my values? Will it take me where I want to go in the long run?
• Will it harm me or other beings?

Once you have decided on one behavior change, employ it on a regular basis for seven days. Then, at the end of the week, see what other changes have happened.

You may be surprised by what you have created! Studies show that repeating the same behavior for at least 21 days produces the best results.

However, if you like, next week you might decide to take a break and focus on another behavior using the same method.

Remember, as you take action, the words of Florence Nightingale — I never lose an opportunity of urging a practical beginning, however small, for it is a wonder how often the mustard seed germinates and roots itself.