By ANNE STRAND | Counselor and therapist

A gift is something given to someone for free —without the expectation of a payment. Although the gift giver might harbor a wish for reciprocity, payback is not part of a true gift. When thought of in these terms, gift can refer to anything that makes others genuinely happier. By definition it provides pleasure or shows gratitude, like a favor or an act of kindness. Seen from this perspective, the act of gift giving could be as old as human history.

The giving of gifts at Christmas time can be traced to observances celebrated by the ancient Romans around the 25th of December where simple gifts of wax candles and pottery figures were exchanged. Further north, during the same period, gift giving was also a part of the winter solstice and Yuletide celebration. For centuries these gifting traditions were incorporated into the Christian tradition. But, around the year 1000, the Catholic church banned gift giving at Christmas time as a pagan rite. Later, the Puritans who came to America ceased Christmas gift giving as well because it was considered wild and immoral!

Before 1880, Christmas gifts in America and Europe were simple. Until the Victorian era presents exchanged by adults were small, handmade items. The Santa who gave with abandon to “good” children would be established later along with the amazing growth in manufacturing and retailing around the turn of the century.

But what if we were to look at the custom of giving and receiving Christmas gifts as a reminder of the gifts of the Magi—the presents given to the baby Jesus by the Three Wise Men? Scholars believe that these thought-filled gifts symbolized and foretold the Messiah’s future: frankincense — a perfume used in worship — that he would be worshiped; gold — that he would be the King of Kings; and myrrh—a substance used for burial—that he would suffer and die for humanity. Many Christians see his birth 2,000 years ago as the ultimate Christmas gift, the gift that keeps on giving!

As we reflect upon the definition of gift, perhaps Christmas can become a time to give more than the obligatory tie. If we could slow down and focus on how we could show appreciation with thoughtful gifts of love, we would all be better off—both the giver and the receiver.

A letter of gratitude written and mailed to someone may last longer, tucked away in a drawer, than an expensive present—not really wanted or needed—that we’ll get the bill for next month.

Getting and spending can put us into a frenzy. But, by rethinking our decisions we can take some of the stress out of Christmas.

Thinking of simpler times and making our life simpler today and tomorrow by our choices may radically change the Christmas gift giving tradition for ourselves and those around us.