By Susan Keith
Keith represents Ward 2 on the Selma City Council. 

A few years ago I decided “full-on grown-up” had been achieved because I hated to see the Fair and holidays roll around.

Later I would learn that wasn’t the case.

This year I enjoyed the Central Alabama Fair more than I have in years, and I can’t wait to dig into some turkey and dressing. After the Thanksgiving dust settles I’m ready to get out the Yule stuff. All 587 boxes of Yule stuff. I have the Christmas CDs lined up waiting. In fact, sometimes I cheat and listen (and sing my heart out to) “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”

With the holidays upon us, it is important to remember that this time of year is not a happy time for many people.

There are older people who once were the head or heart of a vibrant family, but are now alone.

Imagine a happy memory fading into the reality of loneliness as they see TV shows or families going to church or having meals together.

There are a lot of reasons why someone may struggle with the holiday season.

Family changes, a stranger in a strange land, divorce, job loss, illness, death of family member or friend, and having been a crime victim are some of those reasons. While no cause of deep sadness should be minimized, the death of a spouse, child, parent or sibling is typically the most difficult to get through, especially that first holiday season.

Not sure what to do?

Send them a special card. Give them a call. Go by and visit.

But above all else, let them talk. Let them cry. If they seem receptive, hug them or hold their hand.

Some things NOT to say to a survivor who has lost a loved one: “It was God’s will.”

“He/she is in a better place. He/she is an angel now. God needed him/her more than you did.

God never puts on us more than we can bear. I know how you feel.” And unless you have a quick anecdote that will be helpful, don’t hijack the time with stories of your whoever’s death.

The worst thing you can tell someone who lost a child “at least you can have more/or have more children.”

Things to say: “I’m so sorry. I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t. I really can’t imagine what you are going through right now. I hope it helps to know that you have people who love you and are keeping you in their prayers.”

This holiday season, remember those who have an extra difficult time being merry.

We each have the ability to make a powerful difference in the lives of others.