Joey walked down the hall headed to class.  It was not a good morning, and somebody was going to pay.  It really didn’t matter who at this point.  It might be something as simple and taunting and name calling or on a day like this it could be posting a video or pic of a classmate and belittling them for all to see.  Yeah, Joey was certain that it was going to be a really bad day for somebody.

Joey is actually Joelle, a fictional sixth-grade girl.  Like far too many young people, she does not know how to manage her emotions and she has poor impulse control.  Children use bullying primarily to replace the social skills that have not yet developed.  Ideally, as they grow up and become, they find more appropriate ways of working out problems and getting along with others.

Notice, I said “ideally”.  We all know some adults who have still not mastered these social skills.  Access to social media only makes this problem worse.

Let’s go back to Joey.  She bullies other children because does not feel valued or empowered in her own life.  This may not always be the case, but often a bully is looking to fill a void.  Many are loners and feel insecure.  While others may thrive on being the center of attention.  Remember the movie Mean Girls?  The main characters were incredibly popular, but they were also bullies.

Joey has been in trouble twice this year for bullying and her parents defended her each time.  While this may be the first natural response, parents should take a deep breath and gather details about what happened.  Work cooperatively with the school and strive for a positive outcome.

In addition to working with the school, parents should sit down with their child.  Be calm, yet firm as you work to understand what happened and why.  It is important to be a good listener and to avoid blame.  Children need to know that they are loved even when they behave badly.

If your child is the bully, she should be held accountable.  Make it a teachable moment by finding better, more appropriate ways to socialize.  If it was cyberbullying, then it’s a great time to enforce stricter guidelines on how and when she can use electronic devices. 

After the consequences have been determined, consider having her write a paragraph describing what she thinks the child that she bullied felt like or even write a letter of apology.  Help her to understand how to show empathy.

If you know a bully, please find a way to address this inappropriate behavior.  Children can unlearn bullying behaviors with the support of trusting adults.

For more information, email me at avis.williams@selmacityschools.org.