One week from tomorrow it will all be settled.

Possibly the biggest event in the entire state will take place over a span of 3 ½ hours and last 365 days. Yes, Iron Bowl week is on its way.

The ability to gloat to the other side is something that makes this rivalry great. The only thing better than the game itself are the practical jokes that follow. As an Alabama fan, I’ve been on the receiving end of some great ones. I’ve delivered a few as well.

But there is always the one fan that goes too far. Someone will always win the “that guy” award. It’s the person that just doesn’t know when to quit.

So this year, I’ve taken it upon myself to set a few ground rules that my friends and family have agreed upon through the years.

If your team wins, do feel free to paint your rival’s mailbox orange and blue or crimson and white. I’ve seen it done and it is funny. However, it is always the duty of the artist to restore the box to its original color, or replace the box completely.

This is also a time when you should know your enemy, as it is a federal offense. You better be sure your target can take a joke before you play Picasso.

On that same note, do not paint your rival’s children orange and blue or crimson and white. There’s nothing funny about this one folks. Even if you are courteous enough to use a non-toxic paint, this is a good way to win the “that guy” award. Pets are also off limits.

If your team wins, do feel free to make a few phone calls reminding your friends who is on top. After all, it is your given right to brag a little bit after the biggest game in all of college football. You’ve supported your team all year, and you have taken it when your team was on the receiving end, so why not have a little fun.

Do not, however, make repeated calls to the same number until the wee hours of the night. A little pride, access to a telephone and a few too many adult beverages will turn your personal Iron Bowl trophy into the “that guy” award in a hurry. There’s nothing worse than waking up to a slurred 3 a.m. “Roll Tide” or “War Eagle.”

And last, but not least, if your team is on the receiving end of an Iron Bowl beat-down, invest in a punching bag or a stress doll.

Do not destroy your property or that of the host. If that living room wall or ottoman could have made the tackle on the crucial fourth down play, it would have. But neither was in position to make the play, or even accepted to college for that matter. Neither deserves to pay the price for missed assignments.

I’m not going to give the old “it’s just a game” speech, because it isn’t. But we can at least keep our bragging rights under the category of good-natured ribbing.